Letter #28

Joshua's 30th Letter

I always have so much on my mind that I forget about all of the wonderful things and I get more and more antsy that I'll never be the same.... I HAVE been getting better all the time but I still worry a lot.  I also have been dealing with a iffy temper that only seems to come out when I think of my loved ones.

I WISH I could be more vocal and firm...
I thank you all so much for the love you've all sent. please keep it coming

OH we did run into a couple Saturday night! we invited them to church and they said they had just been talking about it.... they didn't show but hey! its a good experience.!

folks, I hate to admit but its kinda slow in this crazy city. I'm sure its mostly my own dang fault BUT, I'm working hard to talk to EVERYBODY its weird cuz lately I've been struggling with it, so much time in mental shut down that I've been unable to pick up my ol wacky nature.  sometimes this world just aint any fun but we're working on it the best we can - me and Williams too.

to savannah:
I love what your doing. I'm not upset about any of your work so keep going and try hard, lemme know if I can send stuff to help the blog! =3 something I can work on on my preparation days.

to travis:
hey, so I'm having a difficult time with something, there are MILLIONS on perspectives of the missionaries out here and I don't know how to sort them all out, twixt the work aholics and the junkies I don't know where 'I' fit in.

so I look over at the screen on this ladies computer... and theres a little link that says 'Mormons believe in christ'..... lemme just say that now even the random link people are even on our side.  I've grown too comfortable thinking that everyone thinks we're wrong and that everyone hates us. maybe I need to... -shrug- I dunno maybe I'll figure it out.

remind me to remember some of my Lakewood stories there were some funny times there.  like with lonas, one time he was standing in the door way of the bathroom singing... about how he was going to go to the bathroom when he finishes he closes the door and with perfect timing I come up to the door and start a tiny applause (you know, finger tips to palms, the fancy kind) and he starts going
"thank you thank you, no your too kind" and so forth XD
well I'm not big on how short this letter is XP
I'll let ya'll know when some... oh yeah.. we almost died XD
EVERYONE in our area is a TERRIBLE driver -.- like seriously.. I'm starting to think that 'I' could drive better than them.... I know right?
which actually lead to one of my first promptings for my companions.
so Holt is driving on prep day and its feeling kinda fast and reckless (don't know if it was or not but I felt nervous.)
so I turned off the music and said.
"holt, theres something I need to tell you... I love you, your a great missionary.... but if you crash this car so help me I will beat the ever living crap out of you."
-silence-
so I'm working on it.

Love,
Elder J Smart

Letter #27

Take me home these people are nuts!


I swear I feel like I entered the GQ district, lots of folks like in high school, social stuff . . . I mean, their missionaries but... I dunno sometimes I have a hard time believing that people really change and grow up after school...

the first couple of days were kinda rough because they were pretty much wasted.
I felt like all we did was drive around and talk crap about elders or talkabout rap songs.  granted we had excuses for it, our battery kept dying in our car every morning so we had to get a new one, but that's just excuses.  they don't really talk like missionaries.

 I don't know if I like that book rough stone rolling.  (ask dad to read it and tell me what he thinks.)   I keep trying but sometimes the gospel just doesn't feel as special as it used too.

I know I was pretty blown away this conference!  it was like several of them were specifically for ME! it was crazy!

Stadium is cool as far as what it looks like, its the closest to big city as I've ever been in my life and it is SLOPEY as crap!  its got loads of hills and such and it ends up over looking this part of the inlet and all of these lights, that mixed with the smoke of the factory over there, it is crazy.

I still struggle with the social part of it, its gotten better after I'd talked with the ZLs and our companions.  we have another companion ship whose in our area and we kinda have to share a whole lot of stuff since the other guys trashed their car....
Me, Elder Smart
elder williams from my MTC group.
elder holdan I don't know who he is.
and elder larson the guy who drove the bus when I first got here.

its quite interesting just how DIFFERENT it is from AZ... I just wish things would feel some form of familiar, good news is I'm getting pretty close! bad news is I think I just kinda accept it.  there have been times where I feel like I'll be forever stuck with this and when I go back everything will be ruined,but, when  i heard Elder Holland speak.... it was funny because I felt like I had some hope.   sometimes I wonder if I should have come in the first place, if the family services guys were right, I mean look at me I sound like I'm falling apart at the seams all the time.  but I'll keep going even on those days where I hear things that sound really sketchy, I still keep going and praying that it will feel special again.  I often worry that I'm going to conform to my companions ways of thinking and the like... I hope not, but I miss my old strength and masculinity to feel strong again would be great... now I just feel like I wanna be left alone.

I hope all of your guys stuff comes soon I would love to hear from you all so I can get some form of escape.  you guys all know I can't re-read letters right?  I can only read them on Preparation days.

I thought it was funny when dad wrote me about OCD and was talking about trying to pay attention to my senses because thats EXACTLY what I do! I have been trying to control everything and make it they way I want but I can't FORCE it or I get the opposite result, I even fight with MYSELF!

I forgot to mention! I cannot use the usb cord you sent me! its TOO SMALL! XD I forgot to mention that!
alright I gotta go, OH!  I got to give a blessing to a pregnant woman! which was fun,
however some of our sisters are crazy... okay sister mcquivy is very eccentric but she means well... but I think she's got Aspergers, or something of that nature.  she went a little nuts this Preparation day.

I miss and love you guys SOOO much!  I hope I'll survive! good news is I 'm close to the year mark!

I remember when I first saw the spirit store in lake wood I avoided it like the plague cuz I didn't wanna feel those familar feelings on my misison... I think I need to rethink somethings about being out here.... anyway thats all from me!

funny thing... I actually just met with a member family that was all about the stuff that our family liked.... they even had quelf.

alright thats all!

Love,
Elder J Smart

Letter #26

MOM!!!! I'm being transfered!!!
I am going to stadium to be with elder williams, I was kinda sad but in funny news Mossbrucker is the new zoneleader replacing lonas XD
he didn't sound very excited but he'll do a good job.

I'm not very good at being tidy or on time with things and lonas and anderson have a tendency to lose patience with me in some ways.

this transfer has been rough because that mixed with thoughts and the feelings that come with them...

Lonas says that I WANT to be miserable, (I talk to he and anderson frequently about my problems) and they give me solutions that to me don't feel like they relate....wait wait wiat forget all this!

I Got the coolest story ever!

okay fans here we go!

SO, this transfer we have had little to NO baptisms in lakewood which is crazy because its SUPPOSED to be a very high baptising area.
BUT yesterday we walked in to church just me and elder Toni because anderson and Lonas don't like meetings so we did the ward meeting.
that ended and we were walking around talking to the memebers in the ward being nice an all and a member of older age asks us to come to the foyer to talk with us, he asks us to sit down on the couch.
of course my first impression was that we were going to get chewed out for something we had no idea of, but president eely sits down and tells us this story.
he had been teaching in china for 7 years prior to being back in the states, he told us that one of his students was coming whom he hadn't seen in FIVE years, so he told us about china's rules and laws and how you can't talk about your religion there if your a foriegner etc etc etc, BUT this morning he had been talking to zhong mou (jon meowis a close pronounciation) and he said that he wanted to becoem a memeber!!!!! so we quickly walk in to the bishops office and make this crazy plan!
chase (jon meow) was destined to be a historiean in china's eyes to which he refused and went to president eely who really didn't have that much time to teach him and... crap I gotta fast forward here!!!!

okay so we came out after planning to skip the other two hours of church to sit and just teach jon all that we knew, wehn we came out we told anderson and lonas and naturally we were all freakishly excited.

(I was actually kinda surprised at how eager we all were I thought maybe rules would get in the way but skip that man!!)
we taught him (I giving out what I could betwixt anderson and lonas)
and then we quickly went to the elly home (which was amazing...!!!)
it was all so cool!
we taught him some of the commandments and gaaaaah so many details guys!!!
so etc etc etc.

I GOT TO BAPTIZE HIM!
it was unconventional... which come to think of it is everything I do so what the heck.
I had to redo it because he would tuck his knees in and he didn't quite 100% get the procedure so when I baptised him for the second time I saw his knees start to go up to which I pushed all of him down before he went back up.
funny thing is he's a member of the communist party!!
but thats just because of his job which is part of the biggest news paper in the world AND biggest T.V.station.
he says the only time he remembers he's a communist is when he gets the bill to pay the membership XD
GAAAh so many cool stuff!
BUT thats all I can give via email folks!

Elder J Smart