Letter #27

Take me home these people are nuts!


I swear I feel like I entered the GQ district, lots of folks like in high school, social stuff . . . I mean, their missionaries but... I dunno sometimes I have a hard time believing that people really change and grow up after school...

the first couple of days were kinda rough because they were pretty much wasted.
I felt like all we did was drive around and talk crap about elders or talkabout rap songs.  granted we had excuses for it, our battery kept dying in our car every morning so we had to get a new one, but that's just excuses.  they don't really talk like missionaries.

 I don't know if I like that book rough stone rolling.  (ask dad to read it and tell me what he thinks.)   I keep trying but sometimes the gospel just doesn't feel as special as it used too.

I know I was pretty blown away this conference!  it was like several of them were specifically for ME! it was crazy!

Stadium is cool as far as what it looks like, its the closest to big city as I've ever been in my life and it is SLOPEY as crap!  its got loads of hills and such and it ends up over looking this part of the inlet and all of these lights, that mixed with the smoke of the factory over there, it is crazy.

I still struggle with the social part of it, its gotten better after I'd talked with the ZLs and our companions.  we have another companion ship whose in our area and we kinda have to share a whole lot of stuff since the other guys trashed their car....
Me, Elder Smart
elder williams from my MTC group.
elder holdan I don't know who he is.
and elder larson the guy who drove the bus when I first got here.

its quite interesting just how DIFFERENT it is from AZ... I just wish things would feel some form of familiar, good news is I'm getting pretty close! bad news is I think I just kinda accept it.  there have been times where I feel like I'll be forever stuck with this and when I go back everything will be ruined,but, when  i heard Elder Holland speak.... it was funny because I felt like I had some hope.   sometimes I wonder if I should have come in the first place, if the family services guys were right, I mean look at me I sound like I'm falling apart at the seams all the time.  but I'll keep going even on those days where I hear things that sound really sketchy, I still keep going and praying that it will feel special again.  I often worry that I'm going to conform to my companions ways of thinking and the like... I hope not, but I miss my old strength and masculinity to feel strong again would be great... now I just feel like I wanna be left alone.

I hope all of your guys stuff comes soon I would love to hear from you all so I can get some form of escape.  you guys all know I can't re-read letters right?  I can only read them on Preparation days.

I thought it was funny when dad wrote me about OCD and was talking about trying to pay attention to my senses because thats EXACTLY what I do! I have been trying to control everything and make it they way I want but I can't FORCE it or I get the opposite result, I even fight with MYSELF!

I forgot to mention! I cannot use the usb cord you sent me! its TOO SMALL! XD I forgot to mention that!
alright I gotta go, OH!  I got to give a blessing to a pregnant woman! which was fun,
however some of our sisters are crazy... okay sister mcquivy is very eccentric but she means well... but I think she's got Aspergers, or something of that nature.  she went a little nuts this Preparation day.

I miss and love you guys SOOO much!  I hope I'll survive! good news is I 'm close to the year mark!

I remember when I first saw the spirit store in lake wood I avoided it like the plague cuz I didn't wanna feel those familar feelings on my misison... I think I need to rethink somethings about being out here.... anyway thats all from me!

funny thing... I actually just met with a member family that was all about the stuff that our family liked.... they even had quelf.

alright thats all!

Love,
Elder J Smart